He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
