Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there's paper in my vomit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
