So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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