my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ttyl tear gas
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
