My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
