Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
