i barfeds in our rink
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
