who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
