If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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