I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
