Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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