we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
