Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
