her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
