The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
