why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
