You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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