I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
