you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
