So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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