She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
