it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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