What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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