There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
