Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
