I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
