My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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