That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
