Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
