His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
