Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
