problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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