our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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