Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
