The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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