NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
