I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
