Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
