Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My vagina is officially offended.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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