Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
