Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
