Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
