so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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