Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
