Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
