i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
