This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He better not be in your backpack
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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