i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this boner is exhausting
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
