Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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