May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
