WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
