I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
