when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
