I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
